Although there are those that adhere to the concept, as a life coach I’m not a believer in what many people describe as `fate` or the idea of `what will be will be` or `whatever happens to us is already decided before we are born`
Can I ask you a question? Why are you reading this? You could be doing any number of other things so what prompted you to be here, now?
I’ve already said that I don’t believe in fate but I do feel that there’s some reason why you`ve taken a few minutes out of your life to read my ramblings.
Of course it’s always possible that my writing style is SO absorbing, intriguing and entertaining that you can’t resist (he said tongue firmly in his cheek!!). I couldn’t possibly comment without appearing to be big headed so I won’t but I imagine that the real reason why you are here is totally connected with YOU, not with me.
I suspect you have begun to feel that there’s something not quite right with your life, that there’s more life waiting for you than you feel you’re getting at the moment. I don’t necessarily mean anything unpleasant just a feeling of being at some sort of crossroad in your life and you’re undecided which direction to take.
Well, I have news for you; you are not alone. Millions of people feel exactly the same way, particularly at the start of a new year to use one massive example. This period always brings feelings of apprehension of what might be ahead AND regrets about what we might or might not have done during the last year. `If only I had……` is a favourite sentiment in January.
Strange as it may seem I’m going to say that regret isn’t a bad thing, as long as you don’t dwell on it and don’t let it take over your life. Many life coaches will say that we shouldn’t dwell on the past but I believe that regret can be a positive emotion, IF you use it correctly.
Regret can be classified as a negative emotion because we are usually adversely affected by the event that caused the regret. BUT, if we look at the event dispassionately or at least with as much detachment as we can manage, we can actually learn from the event and ensure that we don’t end up in the same situation again.
Regret is also a great tool for comparing where we are now with where we were when the event occurred. Can you begin to see why an emotion which, on the surface, is negative can be turned around?
Try as we might we all make mistakes. No-one made any progress without first making mistakes. Do your best to avoid mistakes of course but accept that they WILL happen and then learn from them.
It could almost be argued that success can be built on regret. If you never regret anything then you are not progressing in life and will therefore stay exactly where you are now. How’s that for a thought?
Where does that leave us as an explanation as to why you’re reading this? I would suggest that it’s because you haven’t only realised that something needs to change but that you actively want and need to do something about it which is great.
Can I let you into a secret? I’m just like you. Just because I’m a life coach doesn’t mean that I’m happy and contented with my lot. Well, at this moment in time I am actually but that doesn’t stop me from wanting more. I do practice what I preach; I make mistakes but always try to learn from them. I do evaluate what I’ve done, exactly as I suggest that you do, I just do it more frequently than at New Year.
When was the last time you tried to analyse yourself? Have you EVER sat down and deliberately considered why and how you do what you do?
It can be very useful because if you do it regularly you will probably see patterns of behaviour emerging. Analysing those patterns will be a great help in avoiding personal pitfalls. Only, of course, if you then take steps to change your behaviour and do things differently.
Evaluate your behaviour patterns; weed out the negative or destructive ways of doing and approaching things and the results can only be positive; BECOME AWARE OF WHAT YOU DO AND WHY YOU DO IT.
I realise that beginning to `criticise` yourself requires a degree of self-confidence. You need to be honest with yourself which isn’t easy but let’s be quite frank here, this criticism is only FROM you TO you, and no-one else is involved.
As with all areas of self-improvement the impetus HAS to come from within you. No-one else can do it for you. I can point you in the right direction but guess who has to turn the starting handle?
Now that we’ve hopefully established why you have read this far I’m going to invite you to consider whether there ARE any patterns of regret in your life, whether there is a route map of behaviour which you sub-consciously follow resulting in negative outcomes for you.
Part Two of
Karma versus you will be posted shortly, I hope to see you then.
© The Blind Life Coach